Never Ending Nights

For where there is light, There must be darkness, Neither can exist without the other...

To Someone special...

Someone was feeling down so I thought I might dedicate this post to her and try to bring up her spirit a bit.

I know thing haven't been going the way you planned sometimes but you always have to look at the other side of the coin, there will always be good and bad days and I want to be there to help you get through it, you are a strong girl my angel and you make everyone around you happy and full of laughter, you showed me I can make a difference in my life and that I would be able to shape my own future... And I know that we cant be together... but I don't want to let go of your hand... You brought the light into my life... and I want to bring it into out future...

Here are some of the photos which you took this year... some of the memories you have:

Taking picture with my hat at WiFi area (one of my favorite photos)

Another gorgeous picture of you (hehe)

Hehe don't you look lovely^^

Your "Siti Nurhaliza" look

After the CAP event (you really looked beautiful on that day)

Valentines day (looking as beautiful as ever)

Your B'day outing (I am not going to show any photos of me on that day :p)

You in your study area

Another of my favorite photos of you^^

You are a strong girl my angel... and I know you will be able to overcome any obstacle that comes in your way... You have the ability to shape your own destiny and I know you will give it your all. You will always carry my faith and... My love with you where ever you go. We are connected by a red string (in Japaneses legend, 2 people who are in love are joined together by an invisible red string). I will do my very best to support you in anyway I can and if the Wheel of Fate was kind... lead you back into my arms... And to end this post I'll be putting up the lyrics of my song (the video still needs work so please excuse me lol:

No Matter How I Try,
It Gets Harder For Me,
To Say How Much You Mean To Me,
I Feel,
Like I'm Always Lost In Words,
Of What I Wanna Say,

But Now,
I Know What I Must Tell You,
Whats here Inside My Heart,
(Inside My Heart)

You Mean the World To Me,
Your Smile Keeps Me Going,
I Don't Wanna Know,
What Life Will Be Without You,
Your The Light In My Life,
The Shinning Star Which Guides Me,
And I still Have More To Say,
Of How Much You Mean To Me,

As The Days Passes By,
I Feel My Heart Breaking,
Into A Thousand Pieces,
It Feels,
Like There Is An Empty Void,
Of Where My Heart Use To Be,

When Your Here,
My Heart Is mending,
Of How It Use To Be,
(Use to Be)

You Mean the World To Me,
Your Smile Keeps Me Going,
I Don't Wanna Know,
What Life Will Be Without You,
Your The Light In my Life,
The Shinning Star Which Guides Me,
And I Still Have More To Say,
Of How Much You Mean To Me,

And I'll Be Right Here,
Waiting For A Sign,
To Tell Me,
That Your Still In Love With Me,
And I Don't Care,
How Long It Takes,
I Just Want To Hear Your Say...
That I Love You...

I Hope You Know...

Just How Much You Mean To Me,
I Want To Be Your Forever,
To Hold You In My Arms,
And To Tell You,
How Much I Love You,
Your My Beacon Of Hope,
Which Guides Me Through The Darkness
And I Hope You Understand,
Just How Much...
You Mean To Me.

Song: What You Mean to Me
Author: Zenji

Sick Days...

For the past two day I've been in a very sick state... And to be honest I still am in a sick state... More towards dizzy actually... I cant really explain how I got sick... Just suddenly 2 days ago I felt something terrible wrong with my body... and I think I worried you my angel... and the 2 nights ago I was really sick and I couldn't sleep at all... I felt so warm... burning up real bad and I couldn't stop it... I felt like I was going to die... and weird images in my head... made the matter a lot worse... its during these times which makes me miss you a lot more then usual my angel... and I also wish my mum was here too so that she can take me to the doctors... my dad was too busy with his party that he forgot how sick I was... and what more he wanted me to entertain his guest which they can all clearly see that I wasn't feeling well to do anything... my grandmother wanted me to go home to get some rest... even my uncle said I started to look pale... but my father insisted that I stay at the party and also to make sure I can carry all his presents and food home for him... after I got back I felt so tired that I changed to my pajamas and went straight to bed hoping that this nightmare would end...

3 Piece Painting

Well its been a while since my cousin and me formed a band, there are good things which came with this, made me closer with my cousin and we found out that we really make a really good team together. Our first ever live performance was a the Charity Aids Concert @ HELP and we really did our best (even though some else sang one of the songs WE were suppose to sing =.=) but we did our best and we made it through.

Our 2nd performance was at the Newbie Night for the new students at HELP and that was one of our best performance I guess not going to judge everything yet because officially it was only 2 times lol.

But I'm glad of the bond it brought us and how close we got together and I'm glad... to have started this... Especially since it was with my cousins.... my Family.... Guys lets work to make a better future in the music industry!!! 3 Piece Painting now and always!!

And as a special treat for you all, here is our testing Band Logo;

If your all wonder, no its not the number '13' I wanted to try something original a bit so I combined 'P + P = this logo' so please excuse me its still in the testing stage :p


Ok now that the first day of Raya is over, I thought I might talk about it and the difference of this year and my past Raya experience. First of, I want to thank everyone who wished me today and I also hope that all my muslim friends had a good first day of Raya.

Ok now I'll look at the differences of this year and the past years of Raya.

First of was that this year me and my dad prayed at the masjid near our house, it was small but in a way comfortable due that there weren't many people praying at the masjid. Usually me and my dad would go follow my grandfather to go pray at Masjid Negara, but due to his condition we couldn't go with him, that started a chain reaction of old memeories which made me think of where all those times went... and I felt like there was an empty space deep down inside me and wondering how these feelings came to be...

Second was that the order of the visiting was a bit different too, usually we would stay at my grandfathers house and wait for the other relatives to come after prayer, but now it was different because since we went to pray at the masjid near my house, we went to my other grandmothers (mum's side) house first, the order just felt a bit... different... or too different since I was so use to going to my other grandparents (dad's side) house first... just felt that it was a bit too different...

Third, was that it seemed like even though all my cousins, uncles and aunts were at one place, I just felt that everyone was so busy with other things and everyone kept more towards their families rather the comunicating with the each other... and I just felt... like it was very... quite...

Fourth, was after we had visited my our other relatives house we went straight back to my other grandmothers house (mum's side) and to our surprise... many of my aunty and uncles were already leaving... 4 car fulls of them... and once we fianlly got out of the car and joined the others at the open house, there was something very disturbing... the place was so quite that I could hear a pin drop and I would be able to hear it... *sigh* and there were many empty tables as well and empty seats... I use to remember when the place would be packed and the sound of people enjoying themselves could be heard... but all I heard was the sound of the caterer cooking the food and the sound of the Ice Cacang machine going on and off... and when I was there... even surrounded by my other family members... just felt very lonely...

so far my Raya today wasn't all that great from my point of view... there were just so many differences of the past years that really effected how I felt when this year came... And I wonder where all those good times went... and wondered where all those good times had gone...

here is a list of what I missed this year and will always stay in my memories:
1. Going to Masjid Negara with my grandfather when I was young and how tall and different I became everytime I went.
2. Smiling and bonding family members during open houses
3. Sound of laughter and a packed Raya open house at my grandmothers house
4. Seeing most of other relatives

but there were some good things that happend too... that i cannot forget...

My childhood friend david came to visit me from indonessia and my cousin from japan came home and visited me too and I was really happy to see them both... You two really made me happy and so did you Tawfik thanks for coming to visit me on Raya too... And you too my angle... for all those lovely smses you sent me... I'll tell you all what happend on the 2nd day... till then my friends... Jia Ne