Never Ending Nights

Been too busy for words...

2010-05-23T13:53:00.003+08:00

Well, like the title, I've been very occupied lately, lots of things happening here and there. I did make a promise to myself that I would keep updating as much as possible, but unfortunately I'm tied for time. But now since I have some spare time to kill, aw what the heck, its time for an update =)

On the note about the Holiday (Part 2) blog post. Unfortunately I was having some technical difficulties so I instead uploaded the cooking day with my friends on my facebook profile instead. I really had a blast with them, honestly was one of the only days which I really felt I was having fun. Life has been a bit hard for me too lately. So many things have been happening, but instead of running I'm taking them all on head first. I know that I can succeed cause I know there is a future for me at the end of the road.

I feel renewed and ready to take on new challenges, something which I felt when I first enrolled in HELP University College. A passionate drive which made me more confident to take on the challenges of the new day. Watch out world because:

HERE

I

COME!!

Holiday so far (Part 1)

2010-04-29T18:20:00.003+08:00

Alright this post has been waaaaaaaaay overdue but finally found time to write it. Where to begin... I think this holiday was more for me to catch up with my personal projects and to calm myself after the events of last semester. Lots have happened but now that its finally over I can be at peace.

During the first week of the holiday I remember Rory, Micheal and I went to Video Games Live (VGL) and I must say I was very impressed. The video games scene, the music and not forgetting the hundreds of fans! Yea it was one of the only concerts which I didn't fall asleep in (maybe it was because it was in my interest but never mind) Things from that day slowly became lazier and lazier LOL.

Later on Tuesday (1st week of my holiday) my friend Rory invited me to the "The Battle of the Sexes" organized by Acts Church. I had loads of fun, the people there were fun to talk to and I never seen so many people get a long so well, its just something which I never see very often. But overall the company was good, games were fun and the Hosts for that evening were awesome. I'm still in shock that I won "Most Epic Guy" though LOL and I still have the prize! A RM100 Gift Certificate for TGI Friday, TheApartment or Italliannies.

Alright putting that aside I went to watch "How to Train Your Dragon" for the 3rd time with my friend Wei Li at MidValley Megamall! I thought by now I would be sick of it, but bow was I ever wrong! I might even go for a forth =p

Besides all my adventures going out and such. Most of the time I would be spending it at home. Mostly to catch up with my sleep, but other times I would WoW or even sketch a bit here and there (Still modifying one art since god knows...) but nothing beats the day at home and doing absolutely nothing (I can be wrong at this part though LOL)

So far I'm still at the middle of my holiday and I am looking forward to seeing what will happen on the last week (results will be out...) but I'm more looking forward to the pot luck at Marcus's House this Monday!!

Till my part 2 is out, till next time readers!

PS: Still arranging some of my photos. Will be up maybe later before end of the week.

The day time stood still (To be continued)

2010-04-13T21:44:00.003+08:00

Well its almost my semester break and I'm so looking forward to the free time. Things this semester... Weren't really good ones... So many things happened in such a short period of time and it caused me to lose focus... The lost of a great friend... Being back stabbed by someone who you thought was your friend... and so on so forth.

But that being said. I became close with some of my classmates this semester and for that I am grateful. There has just been too many pressure this semester and I'm trying to figure out how to resolve them.

I also have many blog post which I was suppose to upload but didn't do to little time I had... But I hope to upload them all into one post when my holiday starts. Till than readers. Jia Ne

Talks, Projects and Life

2010-03-09T22:54:00.003+08:00

Ahhh the smell of a hard days work feels good. Papers and work slowly progressing according to plan, artworks finally coming together nicely. Everything seems good for now. I had miss Lily all wrong... She was trying to help us... To nurture our creative side... I'm sorry for doubting her and now look up to her for my future projects =D

Ok back on to business, we had a talk about our major recently and I went for the talk about Digital Animation and although the talk was long I was awake and took in everything that he said. It was good and really motivated me to work even harder =D

Which reminds me... I have to send in my confirmation into Digital Animation tomorrow...

In terms of projects. My main concern is about my Stop-motion animation intro which we will soon start filming and hopefully be able to complete before the due date, really looking forward to this actually XD

And in life? Life could be better but I aint complaining temporarily disabled my facebook account due to that it was causing me a lot of unneeded stress and I feel a lot better too. Either way that's all I have for today. Will upload more about whats happening soon and will upload all my current projects here.

Just a small update

2010-03-06T22:52:00.003+08:00

Just updated with the new Night Sky 2 theme which I find more attractive than the past one. Just to inform you I have a very interesting post coming up to talk about my recent week in ToA which I find very life changing.

Semester 2

2010-02-10T21:38:00.002+08:00

Well its already my 5th week of being in my 2nd semester in ToA and so far... It has been a living hell... ><

But sometimes things aren't as bad as it seems, I got to see my friends who I didn't get to see the past holiday and it was great catching up with most of them. For now lets recap what subjects I'm taking this semester;

Language and Communications 2 (a.k.a English 2) - Unlike my last semester which focused more on the language skill itself. This time we are learning more based on advertising. It is a pretty fun in some ways and less stressful than the other subjects.

Drawing 2 - In this class we learn the art of color and painting, apparently I thought I would really dislike this class. But on a bright side I kinda enjoy it. It is also considered one of my less stressful classes cause we don't really get home assignment from this subject so we are pretty safe after the end of every class.

Calligraphy - OK this class isn't as bad as I though. Basically what we do is we learn the art of writing and how to make even an average looking letter to make it stand out even more and to give it a little "flavor"

Computer Graphic Design 2 - OK I was really looking forward to this class at first but until I met the lecturer... He thinks we are all realllllllly retarded and unlike Helena he can be quite a bore... But the good thing about this class is that we can leave as soon as we are done... So yea his work can be finished in like 10 - 20min if you know what your doing.

History of Art and Design 2 - OK the is one of the classes I seriously HATE! Its mostly because of the lecturer... He feels that we must all do everything his way and if we are not at least 90% accurate on the dates he will really F@#$ you up... I miss Mr. Anderson...

Figure Studies 2 - This class ain't that bad... But our lecturer's marking can be a bit harsh if your work is only average but I think its better than nothing, he teaches us a simpler way to draw figures but yea I'm still working on that...

Design 2 - OK now this is the class which I really HATE out of all my other classes. The lecturer can be such a B@#$% I know I feel like I'm shooting her down but sometimes I wish she was a bit more clear on what she wants us to do for our Assignments, most of us (I think nearly all of our) had our Post Card design rejected cause we left out the lines to fill in the address and stuff like that... *sigh*

Bahasa Kebangsaan - 1 word describes this class *Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz*

Well so far despite the classes being tough, I'm having fun this semester. I have my friends, a new work station and 1 more semester before things start getting really interesting.

Well readers I think that is it for now. Till next time~ Jia

Bullshit...

2010-02-02T00:16:00.002+08:00

This is all bullshit! This is too much stress for me to handle in the mean time... Too much to think... Too much to do... and Too much little time to do it in... I just feel like stabbing myself with a dagger and just cutting it out... I feel like there is just too much pressure that people are putting on me which I cant handle with... And from her especially... I was having meeting that time and I didn't want to go out doesn't mean you HAVE to come meet me and find out where I am 24/7 I want to be alone and discuss what needed to be done with my group and you making a fuss about it didn't help... It just put more pressure on me... There is just too many things this year which I have to do and I can't be distracted... No I ain't going to take your Bull@#$% I just want to be my own self... I want to be able to focus what I'm doing and I want to supported not ridiculed and put down... I just need... Someone to be there and not let me feel this pain... I want to be happy... I want to be stress free... I want your support... I want your familiar faces... And I want.... The courage I had years ago in me to be able to do what I could before...

Steping onto the next step

2010-01-07T00:19:00.002+08:00

Well I'm in my new semester at ToA and yea still in a holiday mood byt great to see my class mates again =)

This semester seems like its going to be an interesting one, new challenges, new art styles and newer ways to broaden our creativity. But I feel that the last couple of days could have been better. Lately some of my classes actually got canceled this week because some of the lecturers weren't in (probably still holiday mood as well LOL). But besides all that I think this sem is going to be great =D

But some how I feel like this semester came out to a rocky start. I just felt everything was just rushed and that I didn't have time to prepare myself for the upcoming challenges. But it seems like even the lecturers were not prepared ha ha.

But I'm glad that the new year started cause it is also a sign for new beginnings and for old hardship to come to an end and start a new =)

For all my friends who are starting their new semester in college I wish ya all the best and gambatteh!! XD

Taking it a step at a time

2009-12-13T22:19:00.003+08:00

Taking it a step at a time and not rushing into things seems like it wasn't doing me any justice this semester. Every time, I feel I am rushing, rushing into finishing my assignments, rushing my artworks in class, rushing to do things my mum wants, rushing, rushing rushing rushing...

Things haven't been going well for me and sometimes I feel so insecure about a lot of things. Sometimes I tell myself it is pointless and sometimes I can't get up. And I feel when I'm on the ground laying there I feel like just not moving and letting time to just stand still during those moments so I can just relax and calm my senses...

I remember a good friend telling "Sometimes life can be hard, but it is always good to take it a step at a time..." those words she said really brightened up my day and she is right... Rushing isn't something which we must do on a daily bases. Sometimes we just have to take things slow and enjoy the very fine day which is given to use from the moment we awake from our sleep "Sometimes... I wish time would just stand still... Just for a moment..." I remember you saying that ages ago and yes sometimes I wish time would stand still just for a moment to let me appreciate the things around me... But we can make those moments last for as long as we think positive... And no matter what... every moment that we gain along the way in life, will always be here in our hearts...

The sun rises on a new day,
To bring warmth across the land,
Such a beautiful sight I say,
For here I stand.

Months turned to days...

2009-11-09T16:07:00.002+08:00

Yea... I've bet many of you readers wondered why I haven't updated in awhile. Well I've been real busy with assignments and such and everyday is a new day and experience for me, we learn new things every week here at ToA (The One Academy) and every week it gets more complicated... We actually learned to make a Pop-Up Book! How cool is that??

Yea well all that glitter isn't gold. I find myself more stressed than usual and it can get real annoying and draining every single day... I actually feel ill for 3 days because of it... But now I'm back on my feet and ready to go!

Let me run down what I think of some of the classes here in ToA:

Finished Art:
This is where we learn to make stuff from paper and also they teach us the proper way to present our artwork and I find that very interesting. A class that teaches you how to make stuff from paper and such to make packages and other paper made objects, but at the same time teaches you how to properly present an artwork? That's cool I suppose. And by the way... It was in this class I learned to make a Pop-Up Book! (Pictures to be Uploaded to Facebook)

CGD (Computer Graphic Design):
In this class... You guessed it! We learn to use art based programs such as Illustrator and Photoshop. I find this pretty useful, cause I've seen people who are seriously good with Photoshop, but mostly because its a hobby or something, but I'm happy that we manage to go more in-dept of how much it can actually do than just editing photos. This is one of my favorite classes.

Drawing:
This is another one of my favorites. In this class we learn to either draw objects such as cubes, spheres and others or we sometimes draw household items like pots and pans, glasses and anything you can think of that can be found in a house! Not only that, they try to teach you to try see "through" the objects and picture a more 3D image in your head before you draw the thing for real. For example: See how thick a glass is and all the details as well. Not to mention we learn types of shading and as well as the light position.

Figure Studies:
This... Is one of the most interesting... But most difficult classes in my opinion... but it can also be the most fun! In this class we learn to draw more "Human" figures. We study the skeletal structure and the shape of the head/body in other terms... Made me wish I took Bio classes back in High School. Than we learn shading and such and how to follow the lighting and the shadow.

History of Art and Design:
This ladies and gentlemen is on of the BEST classes I ever had! It gave me a more prospective and made me actually LIKE history! The lecturer is just really AWESOME!!! But enough about that. In this class we learn to understnad art and design through out the history of man and how it evolved and the history of many great artist who revolustionized the art world.

Design:
This was supposed to be my least favorite. But I am finding myself very on and off with this subject. In this class we are positioned to learn to create new ideas and basic shapes and primary color, not to mention teaches us how to use a brush and paint... But overall its a good class and I really like the lecturers.

More or less those are my subjects this semester, the others which I'm taking are: English and Malaysian studies. Which are complusary subjects of course but can be REALLY irritating...

So far those are my subjects which I'm taking and now about my life.

So far... Life has been real hard ever since I joined ToA, not more in social but rather my sleeping order had been really messed up... Sometimes I don't sleep at all and I tend to come home late now and again... Also... My money has been going down real fast when I have to buy materials... But I realized that it was goin to be... *sigh*

I also find myself missing all the memories and friends I made in HELP... I occasionally visit once in awhile... but I rarely get to see all my friends and such... I miss them... Well I hope things work out for them and for those of you who are in Bachelor Of Psycology and about to enter their 3rd year... ALL THE BEST AND GAMBATTEH!!! GOD BLESS YOU ALL!!! XD

Guess that's all for now. I promise not to keep you waiting for my next post. Till than readers, Jia Ne!

Long, Hard, Eventfull and Interesting days...

2009-09-19T11:22:00.002+08:00

Days have just seemed a bit longer than usual ever since I joined The One Academy, I noticed a lot of changes in me, socially, mentally, but I believe its a good thing. I really haven't blogged much cause of "unwanted" readers/spammers (just managed to finish clearing them) and now I can open my blog for now.

But lately I've found myself liking what I do at The One Academy (ToA) but at the same time... There is a hole in my heart... I really miss all my friends at HELP but I know that my road there wont lead to anything... But I'm thankful for all the friends I've met... Jei Han, Amy, Kit, Tawfik... Gymmy... But I know that they would want me to take this course to fullfill my dreams of being an animater and to one day be the best animater I can be... I know I occasionally visit... But sometimes... I feel it isnt enough... I always feel an emptyness which I cant discribe...

But unlike the past... I know whats the emptyness... Relationship Issues... I know that being single has its perks... But being with someone... Gives you more motivation to study harder... And I've only felt that with only one girl (who I wont be mentioning the name) She always supported me... But sometimes I feel I took advantage over her... And after we split... She still supported me... She was all I ever wanted in a partner... Funny, Smart, Beautiful... But no matter what... I'll do my best to get to the end of my road and prove myself... You gave me confident and love... Thank you...

A really close friend of mind taught me to always takes risk in life cause if you dont life isnt really worth living... Although there has been trouble between us for bout a year a so... We jumped right back into the friend ring almost immediately... But you've played an important role in my life... Giving me advice and always showing me new things... You gave the Courage to take risks and to just live life to its fullest... Thank you Jei...

You have always been the laughter in my life... You always showed me that when life gets you down one of the best remedy is to just laugh about it and move on... You always know what to do and when to do it and yea you added a bit of crazyness into my life and I'm really greatfull of how our friendship always stayed strong through the harshes of time... Thanks for showing me Friendship Tawfik...

I believe these were the people who gave me the biggest impact when I was in HELP and words cant describe what I feel when I'm with you guys and I will never forget you for as long as I live... You three played an important role for my upbrining and it will always live on within me... Thank you

*picks up bag*

Time to move forward to my dreams, you ready? Michael, Fred, Layna and Gloria? We can do this I know we can. We are never alone as long as we are together, may the road of time guide us to our destiny...

Movng Part 2

2009-08-24T23:36:00.003+08:00

OK first off I'm going to be talking about my day. Today we went to IKEA to buy some furniture for the house (mostly for my room due to I didn't go with the others the other day cause I wasn't feeling well and would just spoil the mood) and I managed to find a desk I really liked and managed to get it.

Half way assembling the desk I thought it might be fun to take some pictures and blog about it:

The top of the desk at 60% completion (my hands were real sore when doing it)

After much pain I managed to finish up to 95% of the top desk

After me and my dad did the lower half of the desk which unfortunately didn't get to take much photos but of course it didn't really take long to finish making it. But after a hard nights work we finally finished it.

Side View of my desk

Front View of my desk

I know my desk is a bit messy but I'm still trying to organize the rest of the stuff, but I guess I'll have to leave that for tomorrow... Thanks for reading and good night!

Moving (part 1)

2009-08-21T20:08:00.007+08:00

OK I've been staying at the new house for about 3 days now, and I thought I might talk about the experience of moving and things that come with it. First off moving isn't really that easy, cause besides the fact its a hassle to pack up everything and shift them to the new house, you are also saying goodbye to a certain part of your memory and sometimes, those memories will stay in your heart for a very long time...

But also moving to a new house means the start of a new beginning. I'm slowly moving all my belongings to my new room and these are some of the photos;

Enter the new Room (hmm... might make a nice episode title LOL... joking...)

I'm still moving some of my clothes into closet and seeing this reminded me... didn't make my bed properly :p

My temporary table, I actually cleared it after I took this photo LOL

My new shelf which was transferred from my parent's room

Some of my stuff which I'm going to add to my shelf later

The top of my shelf sits one of the things I'm most proud to have in my possession

So far... That's all I have for moving part 1 and soon I'll update it when the whole family stays here tomorrow night. Till than readers, good night and jia ne.

Farewell HELP... Hello ToA...

2009-08-18T16:32:00.003+08:00

ToA (The One Academy) which I will be studying from now on... The atmosphere there is very different... I'll be around my fellow artist... Competing against each other... Helping each other with certain projects... Growing along side one another... But... what would happen if I started out straight away at ToA?

Some possibilities maybe is that I might be a bit more arrogant than I am now... Would have been more hot tempered and a bit more aggressive than before... And I guess I wouldn't have found myself if I started immediately when I was there...

But I never regretted going to HELP University College... When I was there I managed to see things in a different point of view... The atmosphere from the 2 places were so different... ToA seemed a bit more tensed, where else HELP had its tensed but pleasant times...

Although I already have friends in ToA... I'm going to miss the ones I met at HELP... Many of them thought me certain lessons in life... To take things in strides... Life is too short to be depressed... Just let loose and be yourself... Love...

I will never forget these lessons that I've learned... Nor will I forgo the same mistakes I did in the past... I know what I must do... And I will succeed... I know I can... And I know I will do great...

Tired... But need to carry on...

2009-08-16T23:56:00.002+08:00

Sleepy... But yet I can't sleep... I don't know why but lately I've been pushing myself too hard... And even if the job is already done... I scrap it and do it again... Cause I know I can do better... But Why can't I just see my best is good enough for now? Why do I always want to push my limit? I actually know the answer... Because I know I can do better... And I know that if I do push myself... I wont let myself down...

But lately... All this pushing... Isn't really good for my angina... And I need to rest more to keep my strength up... But I know that... If I keep my strength up... I can put in more work effort in order to do well... But no matter what... I'm always worrying... Always stressing myself... Always pushing myself too hard... Cause I know that in the past I never really took things seriously... And I always do what I want without the consideration of others... But I don't want that anymore... I'm sorry to all those I hurt in the past... Maybe if I was a bit better... Maybe we wouldn't have gotten further apart...

Also... Moving to the new house can be added to my stress I guess... But I'm having problems with some of my stuff as well... Just too much junk... But soon my mum will be back tomorrow and we can slowly start moving all our belongings to the new house...

But right now there are other things on my mind that are stressing me out which I wont be blogging about... Cause I feel its a bit personal... And only a few selected friends will be informed bout it...

I guess that's all for now... I'll be posting a new post maybe earliest by tomorrow... Till next time... Jia Ne

My weekend

2009-08-09T13:19:00.006+08:00

OK, my weekend... I'm just wondering if I'll be able to describe it in one word... hmm... looks like I can't... Oh well, can't say I haven't tried LOL.

Well before starting I want to thank, Li Sha, Wynn, Qin Mei and Kevin for the farewell lunch on Thursday, the food was awesome! (WooHoo Pizza!! LOL) I'm really going to miss you guys.

The next day on Friday we went to the new house to do a bit of spring cleaning, but when I woke up that morning... I realized I lost my voice... *sigh* there goes the karaoke weekend... but it was all good I guess...
When we got to the house I was kinda surprised to see a much more furnished house. I even took some photos of it:

This was taken from above the living room area

And just outside my room, is the new TV area which most probably is going to be occupied by my parents most of the time

And just next to the living room is the TV area, you might recognize the red couch from the above shot.

And that's was my Friday, and the only thing was the fact that I lost my voice... Although not the first time but made me sad that I can't sing the next day...

OK next on my weekend list is Saturday. Well that day went well, I went out with Gary and Michele to KLCC, one of the reason's of the change of plans was, cause of the obvious, the lost of my voice so instead went to KLCC for lunch. And maybe take a few photos for my Potfolio for the One Academy. But due to a lot of changes in plans cause Gary had to leave earlier we had to change the plan a couple of times.

So my Saturday... a bit too jumpy but ok... especially the nachos! lol

OK the last day of the weekend, Sunday. As usual, my mum, cousin and I went over to the Dato Keramat Market for breakfast as usual, I had my usual Nasi Lemak + Ayam Combo :P (Yummy) and bought a LOT of Mangosteen and began indualge myself haha and so my sunday goes on. Will update the rest later. For now Jia Ne readers =)

Sweet 16

2009-08-01T11:11:00.005+08:00

Alright first things, I want to wish my Lil' Sis, Lara Sophia, a Happy Sweet 16! (although it actually isn't your actual birthday :p) You had a rocking party last night and we all had fun. And now I'll be sharing some photos of the evening and some of comments about it:

Firstly: Welcome to Lara's Sweet Sixteen~!

The guest began to arrive

But before you can get in, you have to sign the board

A picture of Gary, Mum and I

From there on the party began, and me the MC had to get things started. And unlike my sisters Birthday, the crowd was really awesome that night =)

Later after dinner we went with the traditional blowing of the birthday candles:

Lara's Birthday ca... Cupcakes :p

And before the dance floor was opened, we had a small sketch which was done by Lara's friends which was very good~! and very impressive, good job guys!

As the sketch ended the dance floor was opened, and everyone was showing their stuff:

At the end of it all, it was a great day for my Little Sis, and before I end this post, I wrote a poem for my Little Sis during the welcoming of the guest:

Today is your birthday,
What a great day it is,
Hope good times come as they may,
Hope you have a good one Lil Sis.

For more photos follow the too links below:
Lara's Sweet 16 (Ainuddin's Album):
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=139801&id=523181200&ref=mf

My Sweet 16 (Lara's Album):
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=94132&id=638624548&ref=mf

Do you sometimes?

2009-07-10T19:43:00.003+08:00

Do sometimes you feel there is always something missing? Like you feel like there is something not right at that very moment? Is only natural...

We feel this way because we are emotionally attached to someone or things and when you remember it, it triggers a memory. These memories can be good and sometimes be bad, but little people think of the brighter side of the picture.

We always try to feel like our lives are meaningless and sometimes it will affect how we interact with others or how it reacts to the things we do...

Sometimes these memories can be triggered by the leaving of a close friend, or even losing someone you hold dear to you... Many ways can these emotions be triggered... even through objects in your very room...

But sometimes, you have to look at the brighter side of things, not just see the negative side of each memory, but at the same time, appreciate the good times as well. And by doing so you will achieve great things and you will feel a lot better.

And coming next week, someone who I hold close to me is going to be starting her internship and I want to wish her all the best, I know you will do great and I know you will succeed, I have faith in you, Subete No Besuto (all the best)

Just for you:

Memories come as they do,
Some might drag you down,
But know I will always be with you,
To turn your frown around.

New House = New Beginnings

2009-07-01T16:41:00.009+08:00

Hey everyone, I remember I said I promised photos of the new house well here it is! A new beginning for my and my new family! But before I get to the photos I want to talk a bit about the new house, currently it is located in Bukit Tunku which is near my dad's parents place, I is also very close to my college, about... 10 minutes drive I think, if I'm calculating properly. We spent the whole Tuesday morning to clean the house (I was vacuming, helping with a bit of the gardening around the house and cleaning the furniture in my room). Now since thats all cleared up lets get to the photos!!

Now let us enter Room 1# MY ROOM!!!

O.K. the first thing that I noticed when entering my room was my new closet!

When you open the left side there are a lot of places to keep my belongings and its kinda cool

Ok and on the right side of the closet is the place where I will be keeping much larger stuff from the looks of it.

And this is the bottom of the right closet, a pull out LOL and to be honest I'm not sure which side I will be keeping my cloths yet LOL

And of course my bed! Looks sooooo comfortable :p (tempted)

Can't forget my new toilet, this is where I'll be doing my 'business' and the mirror is HUGE

And the view from my window I can see the road in front of the house which is kinda sweet since I will be the first to know who is at the gate :p

This place is in between Lara's and my room which leads to the balcony and which also I havent taken a photo yet =(

Now is Room #2 Lara's Room and this will be Lara's first official room

Lara's new bed, looks kinda comfy right?

And ofcourse now Lara has a closet all to herself

Room #3 Master Bedroom (a.k.a Mom's and Dad's room)

On the right of the photo is just one side of the closet! and apparently I can walk in it! didn't manage to get to take a photo on the other side though... but in the center of them both is their brand new TV!!

Can't forget the bed! It looks soooooooo comfy I was actually tempted to jump on it :p

I just had to take a poto of this, a chandelier which my mum bought overseas, its very pretty =)

The only persons room which I have not coverd was Lisa's room which was at the 3rd floor, will cover that the next time I go there. Now we shall cover one of my favorite part of the house... THE KITCHEN!!

Check out the new kitchen it is so cool, new stove and everything

And opposite of it is where our new microwave is, lots of new stuff!

Oh and this was my favorite thing in the kitchen guess what it is... come on guess!

A Dishwasher!!! LOL

Cant forget the new fridge :P made by Samsung lol

And right behind the kitchen is the living area for maids if we have any (highly dout we will though)

And in the room next to the maids room is the new Washing Machine and Dryer! COOL

Now that I covered the kitchen area and such now comes to the room right under the chandelier!

The living room!! where when we have guest this is where we will entertain them

And speaking of guest this is the new guest room located near the entrance of the house

So after a longs days work I decided to retire to my new room and try out my new bed :P

This is how it looks like when I'm laying on the bed and thats when I saw it...

My room has a ceiling fan!!! YAY!!!

So that concludes the tour of the house (sort of lol) and I also just realized something... I didn't take photos of the outside!! LOL nevermind will do that in my next post =)

Till next time readers ciaoz

Days were long and sometimes like eternity...

2009-06-30T00:52:00.002+08:00

Well... Been about 3 weeks since I was on my holiday. And so far I felt it was a bit productive and breath taking. Sometime I look back at my life and think about all the time I wasted and wish I could have changed, but now its too late... I have to carry on and look ahead.

Also I made a check list of things I wanted to do this holiday:

Go out with friends: Done

Finish Chapter 2, 3 and 4 of Never Ending Night: 45% Completed
(Chapter 2 = 89% Completed, Chapter 3 = 0%, Chapter 4 = 0%)

Design My Manga: 20%
(Having Artist Block =S )

Doing something fun/crazy with friends: in the process
(Will post it on facebook when its done)

So far that's my list, but I also found out something this holiday... Which made me feel like my holiday wasn't going to be a good one... But right now I'm not going to share it with you all... Cause I don'twant to worry you all... Sorry...

Next post will be tomorrow and it will be about the new house. There will be photos so stay tuned!

Lately

2009-06-08T10:11:00.002+08:00

Lately things always seem to pop-up into my mind... And a lot of things just doesn't seem to add up... Went rollerblading to just release some tension and release stress... But there are a lot of things I want to do but either its not the right time... or the place... or moment to do so...

As I accelerate on my skates always trying to stop in time... but sometimes never succeeding and I can put a lot of my life into it... Sometimes I want things to go faster but sometimes if I over do it I'll fall and hurt myself... Same as what happened when rollerblading... I should take things slow and easy and not to over do what I have done to keep things from falling apart... And I should never be over confident as well... for it will also lead to my self destruction...

There is always something on my mind which I'm always willing to say but right now... Not the right time to say it... But I don't mind waiting...

From fast to slow...

2009-06-03T19:14:00.003+08:00

Well as the title says, lately I felt this term went by really really fast and suddenly it starts to slow down just a bit until if feels like the day stood still forever... Its just such a weird feeling... Things zoomed by and suddenly slowing down...

But off-topic I really enjoyed this semester... I felt a bit more confident in my studies (besides the times I fell asleep in class, only happened 3 times!!) and yea I worked really hard this semester... Doing assignment and discussing with friends... But the only down side to all of it was that I felt a bit more alone then I did in my past semesters... My routine was simple everyday... Go to class on time, go home, play game for awhile, study in the evening (sometimes I study while I play), have dinner, play/study/draw (depends on my mood) and go to bed... And when the foundation had their holidays I kept coming to class on time instead of early like I usually do to get parking cause there were more parking spaces then usual... But this semester was pretty new... I felt like I was on a new journey... I felt a bit older (no duh a year went by) and a bit more determined... I cant really explain it but maybe I will one day...

I dunno... lack of inspiration?

2009-05-25T13:48:00.002+08:00

Yea like the title said... My creative mind isn't like it use to be... every time i get a new idea I have to immediately write/draw it before it fades out of my head... Most of the cause of this is the recent events that happened in my life... Some just hurt and cause me to lose what I was thinking about... And thus... ruins my idea in my head... and makes me drop the idea and not wanting to continue it...

And also...

When I went to the park in KLCC I wasn't mainly there to sketch some artworks... I was also there to think... I even cried when I was there... So many things are falling apart and I'm not sure if I can hold it up anymore... My legs have gotten weaker... And I am slowly weakening... To those people who want to see me fall... I haven't fallen yet... I'm going to stand till the end... No matter the cost...

sigh

2009-05-22T15:54:00.003+08:00

Lately things are becoming far too much for me to handle... Lots of things going wrong and lots of things are turning for the worst... I know I try my best to face them but sometimes I wonder if my best is good enough... Even I'm not sure... Not sure if my best is good enough...

I try to fly higher and ever atempt is a failiure... I lose controll when I start getting to high and I when I fall I may l0se the abillity to get up... I want to get up and try again but every time I try the more I lose the will to do it... And sometimes... I wonder if its worth it at the end of the day...

But I know what you might say... You would tell me never to give up... And keep on trying... Thats what I feel... And everytime you say those words I am always able to stand on my feet and try again...

To try and fail is not the route to failiure... But the only failiure is when you stop trying...

And yea better get back to class... breaks over...

What is it that people think...

2009-05-21T00:50:00.002+08:00

*sigh* its just another one of those days... Don't you feel that sometimes things just never seemed to go well and suddenly it goes all the way down?... Well that is what I'm starting to feel no a days... And just one thing got me thinking as well... Was I once like that?... mean... arrogant... unsociable... keep to my self all the time... Sometimes I wonder... what would happen if... I stayed the same way as I was before... But sometimes I try not to picture it...

Also that was one of the things on my mind... I've recently also been having slight chest pains as well... *sigh* and to think that it was over... but its like a boomerang and came right back at me... But not to mention my temper... Although controllable... People tend to taunt me more and more... and sometimes no matter how much I try to ignore and make all those harsh words they say go away... I just starts getting worse and worse... *sigh*

Lately I never know what to do now a days... My life seemed to be going well... But suddenly it just turns and bites me in the rear... BAH... I have to try and stay strong... And I have to keep on trying no matter what... I know I will get through this and take in the pressure... but the question is... how long?

To my mum...

2009-05-18T16:38:00.004+08:00

To my mum,

You were not home for mothers day so I had to delay the post a bit,

You are the sun that lights this family up with your radiant glow,
Your are the pillar of strength that holds this family up,
You are the wisdom which guides us through hard times,
And you are the one,
Who gave my sisters and me life,

And on behalf of my siblings,
I want to wish you,
A Happy Mother's Day =D

Poem:
You are the sun which gives us light,
You are the strength which gives us might,
With you we are able to experience flight,
You are our mother which gives us great delight.

With you it will always be Mother's Day

Life is starting to go down hill...

2009-05-15T09:39:00.002+08:00

Lately things started to seem to go down hill from where I was now... Body had to bare through the hot weather and I kept sweating so much that even my bed was wets... My term is coming to an end and soon I'll be sitting for my first IT paper as a Level 2 Diploma paper... I'm actually happy with this semesters progression... I worked harder than I ever did in my past and now I cant wait to see the results of my performance this time...

But even a sunny day can be followed by a dark cloud... I remember that during one of the hot days... I think it was Tuesday... My whole body was dripping in sweat that as I was walking up my staircase and I tripped off my own sweat... I was knocked out for awhile but I'll be fine... I'm a big boy now... And also... me and the band wont be preforming for C2Age due to some problems... *sigh*... Not to mention my costume isn't done due to a lot of missing parts...

Due to these problems I cant seem to see the silver lining and lately its causing me a lot of stress... But I guess the good thing is that I finished all my assignments and even though for the Data Comm assignment I has to submit a day late but I believe the 1% lost wont matter much cause I know it was my best...

But I guess there was a silver lining so I guess that it wasn't all that bad... But yea the back of my head still hurts ><||

Its only natural...

2009-05-12T01:15:00.003+08:00

People fight yes...
Some of which aren't intentional...
Some for disagreement...
And some...
For the sheer joy of making one's self feel better...

Fighting is natural...
People fight...
To prove that they are right...
To show dominance over the other...
To show that they are stronger...
Thus they fight to prove it...

But you know what?
At the end of it...
It becomes pointless...
Fighting never solves a problem...
It creates a much larger problem...
And it hurts...
All who you hold close to your heart...
Fighting is never the answer...
But some people never realize that...

My dear sister...
Now may be your most challenging part of your life...
A battle that one day will prove to be valuable for your future...
But remember this my sister...
Even though people fight...
That doesn't mean they don't love you...
And no matter what happens my dear sister...
I will always be here...
To support and guide you...
And no matter what...
I will always be here for you...

I promise...

The high road and the Low road

2009-05-05T21:49:00.002+08:00

Everyday we travel the road of life, sometimes the road starts to climb up higher and higher. It reminds me of times when I started to grow, how most of the time I had to pick myself up, even though I had my family around me, I always felt so lonely and unnoticed, well its no wonder, we have a lot of well known family members so its easy to go unnoticed, but I felt alone for nearly 5 years of my life... and soon very early in my life I had to learn to grow up... even though I wasn't entirely good at what I did... Many mistakes made... Many punishments I had to endure... But all those were just mere stepping stones... And I had to learn quickly...

As you reach the top of the hill memories of past begins to haunt you of how small mistakes in life could have changed the outcome of the future. From that moment I realized if it wasn't for my younger sister, I would have just broken down and not know of what to do, and for everything she had done to me till now will always be kept in my heart. And soon came the memories of my school days, which reminded me how fortunate to have many friends who cared for me, and how much I had to endure to get through the day. But sometimes... Life in high school wasn't my best... I felt more alone than ever... and all it did was put more stress onto me and caused things to fall apart even more...

Soon came the day I started college, to be honest it was one of the best feelings I have had in a long time. It was a time to start a new life and leave the past behind me, at a time it was good... but slowly my past started to catch up with me and things went from good to bad in matter of days... But all was not lost, much later I made this wonderful friend and soon everything... the bad past and every pain I've felt through out my life just vanished like that. The feeling was good.

But changes in life starts to get more common everyday, things slowly begin to change and life starts catching up with you. But yet the some memories just hurt where others will stay with you forever in your heart. But though the road of life may keep climbing higher and higher and may seen unreachable, but there is always a peak to everything and the road will slowly start lowering and leading you to where your life will take you. Life is just like the road, it has a start and an end, and have a lot or rises, bumps, and downs every occasion so no matter what happens in life, no one will truly understand until in happens.

Things not going according to plan?

2009-04-22T12:51:00.002+08:00

Well, lately things have either been falling apart... or just never happening... Feel as if the walls are slowly closing in on me and I'm losing air... Slowly fading away... I'm trying to be strong... I'm trying to face my fears... But I don't know if I can do it...

Lately I don't know how things are going with my parents... Everything is quite... too quite... Like a calm before the storm... And I'm not sure I am ready for it... Also my mum is considering of us all moving to Bukit Tunku, I think its a smart move cause from what I hear that our current house is getting too old and it would be good for a change... and at least it will be near college...

But so far there are a lot of things on my mind which are concerning my family and whats going to happen... But I'm not sure if I'm ready for that... But all I can do is hope for the best and the well being of my family...

Exhausting Weekend...

2009-04-06T23:03:00.003+08:00

This weekend must be one of the most exhausting ones so far this year... Lots of things has been happening around me... And lately... Some turn out good and some turn out bad... Like for my assignment for example... I had to do it in a rush because of the due date and the complexity of how it must be done in... But I managed to finish it and sent it in before the day ended on Friday... So one down... one to go...

But so far the weekend wasn't so bad... even though I was sick this whole weekend but I got through it... and we had a performance as well which went well apparently even though I was sick the day itself... But it was good seeing a lot of happy faces that day... oh by the way its the opening of the Yayasan Ruman Amal which was organized by my aunt and it was great... it was also the celebration of my grandfathers birthday... He had 3 CAKES!!! LOL (really really fattening... I should know LOL) but it went really well and I was happy to preform again (gotten quite use to it now lol)

So far life is having its up's and down's not just for me but for a lot of other people too and when life gives you lemons you make lemonade :) and hope that it goes well for the rest of upcoming days.

This is a really cool poem I found for such an occasion and hope everyone likes it, and to all my friends who are having their finals this coming week, Gambatte and Subete no Besuto!!

Awakening, dawn's chorus
Welcoming,
The day new, untouched
Waiting to be filled....

And will we paint a rainbow
With all its promise
Or dull the canvas
Sadly seen?

Each day brings its own colours
To be chosen, mixed,
Pigments of joy,
Happy moments,
Smiles and laughter....

And which will you choose?
For 'Life' is choice,
We are all painters
In our own way,
All needing to create
Something of worth,
Of lasting beauty,
Marking our journey....

Footprints in the sand....

The sky today is azure,
The sun warm and golden
A filigree of light and shadow-play
Through the gently swaying trees.

I clean my brushes,
Choose my palette
Of vibrant, living colours,
And begin to fill
Today's blank canvas

Things are starting to go wrong...

2009-03-27T12:54:00.002+08:00

Not more on my social or studies... But more towards my body... You remember I mentioned I had Angina? (if not means that I haven't blogged about it before) Well lately its been coming back and it gotten really painful since yesterday... And I'm not really sure whats the cause of it this time (well I might know but I refuse to either talk about it or doesn't want to admit it...) But I hope it goes away soon... Cause I'll be having a really busy weekend... (sort of...) and I need my strength to do what I need to do... *sigh* I really need a hug...

Days are stressful and long...

2009-03-26T11:19:00.002+08:00

*sigh* Lately my assignments are slowly getting the better of me... At least they aren't going too bad... Just need to pick myself up and do them... And I should be fine at the end of the day... But so far I feel a bit better returning to college... So many familiar faces and many new ones... I'm sad that one day I will be leaving this place... And everyone I care for behind...

That is one of the main reasons why I'm not confident to move to Japan... Part of me is excited... But part of me isn't... I feel there are so many things that need be done... and everyday I'm having less time to do it in... And as everyday draws closer... So does the the burden increases... I just want to go and lay back on the lands of my happy place... And just forget all the bad... and take in all the good... and hopefully... find the peace I'm looking for....

God doesn't want me to be bad! Literally!!

2009-03-20T01:58:00.002+08:00

OK I know that its hard to believe but seriously though I don't think that God wants me to be bad/naughty/sinful or anything! And I know its hard to believe but this happened on many separate occasions but I'll give you 2 of the best examples;

OK one night be and my cousin were coming back from a Cyber Cafe cause we want some cousinly bonding together and when we left it was already very late... and we were both tired (especially our fingers) so when we arrived at this traffic light the light was red, and there was this one car that jumped the light and to be honest the distance to the other end isn't that far so as we were waiting I turned to my cousin and said "Hey you know what? I'm going to do something illegal for a change" I turned my gear from neutral to drive and suddenly, the moment my gear hit drive the light went green, my cousin couldn't stop laughing.

and today at college something else happened. I decided to go a bit late to college today and arrive just in time for classes and well ofcourse the carpark was full as usual. So when I was circling for a parking space, I spotted a nice position where my car could fit and if I parked there it would be considerd illegal cause I could actually block someone. So I positioned my car nicely and about a few minutes later this car which was in the parking spot NEXT to me came out and that spot was available for me to park my car!

Seriously, either this is good karma or God really doesn't want me to sin! LOL but it was interesting how these events keep happening and I'll be paying close attention to these "events" when they occur again :P

First Few Weeks of College...

2009-03-18T09:47:00.003+08:00

I know I'm suppose to give a report on what happened on the "Friday the 13th" Talent Show event which happened last week... But I still have no news on who the winner was... So might update it in my next post about what happened... But right now I thought I'd just talk about how my couple of weeks back in college was...

Well I'm starting to like my lecturers and even though I might not be able to fully understand one of them... The subjects themselves are not that bad... but like I said... Started only a few weeks back... So I cant really give my full judgment...

Data Communication... Currently the class which I'm OK with I guess... Easy to understand and the lecturer is funny in a way and at least it allows me to keep awake in class with all her jokes and so forth...

Data Management... OK this class does remind me of some of my coding classes last semester... But it is slightly more complicated... And not just that... Sometimes I have trouble understanding what the lecturer...

More and more I feel I'm a bit more quite in college... Not as active as I was in my past few semesters... But I feel more focused on my studies and I feel a lot of changes in me... But I know its for the better...

Life so far...

2009-03-06T15:39:00.003+08:00

Well... It's been exactly 3 Weeks after I returned to college... and the feeling is good yet... I always feel as if something is missing... As if a part of me that was once there had suddenly disappeared... But no matter what I must not let that stop me... I'm doing well at the moment... And I have to keep on moving...

But besides the missing part of me... Everything seems to be going well... I started giving tuition to my cousin Roz so that he can hopefully get a pass or even a credit for his Intro to IT... I know the boy can do it... just needs motivation...

He kinda reminds me of how I first started in HELP and I can see the determination in his eyes... but we both had something in common when I started in HELP... We were both... LAZY!! LOL!!

But I know he can do it... He worked so hard till now and I know he wants to get through it... And I wish you all who are in the B'Psych Department and those who are overstressed this semester, I know you are all having massive amounts of Assignments and work... From what I have learnt from giving tuition is that Success comes in many forms... Some work hard for it but may fall in the process... Others may believe that its so hard to accomplish the goals which are handed down to you... And some... Maybe need the correct motivation to be the best that he/she can be (A bit like me)... But nothing is impossible... And even though you feel like life is picking on you... Don't think that way... for it will only carry you down... Hold you head high and keep focusing on your goal... For if you have the will to succeed you can... And all the best to all of you... GAMBATTE!!

P.S: Don't forget to take plenty of rest inbetween as well everyone LOL

I'm worthless...

2009-03-04T00:26:00.002+08:00

I'm so pathetic... I can never be able to live up to anything anymore... I can't take it... I can't move on... I'm all alone... I have no one... I just feel like sitting at the corner and just cry... until someone can come rescue me... but no one cares... no one seems to care what I have to say... No one seems to care what happens to me... I lost everything... Nothing to motivate me... No one to help me... No one to understand me... I hate it... I HATE THIS GOD DAMN FEELING!!

Why did I have to be so stupid... Worthless... I'm so... Worthless...

Why must everything be so difficult....

2009-03-02T21:39:00.002+08:00

Why... why does this keep happening to me... Why cant I stop... Why cant I succeed... Why must everything be so difficult... WHY MUST IT BE SO GOD DAMN DIFFICULT...

No matter how much I try... I can't seem to get to where I want to be... It seems I am always unable to succeed at what I do... I've lost everything... Everything I hold dear to me... I feel like I'm losing trust from my family... I feel like the world doesn't want me to move on... No one is being supportive of me... No one seems to care... And all of this is reminding me of how lonely I was... How angry I use to be... How much rage... was Built up inside me...

Anger... Hatred... Betrayed... It's all triggering my negative emotions... I WANT IT TO STOP!! But I cant control it! I don't know who to turn to talk about it... And the people who I talk about it to don't take it seriously!! I had to cancel out my emotions in order to control myself... and to my luck it worked...

And lately... I found out a good friend of mine passed away... and he was such a good friend to me... I met him when I first started playing those trading card games... and we both became good friends along with a few others... and though he might have been around 4 - 5 years older then me... but he was a great friend nether less... And... just hearing he passed away... struck a blow in me... and we didn't know until the news came to where we were... Pak... may you rest in peace... And may the spirits guide you to your happy place...

When things just starts to go wrong... It just gets worse... worse to worst to unbearable... I feel like breaking down and crying right now... I just want the world to stop moving... and rewind to the time when I was happy... When everything was right... When everything was going well... And to when I was really happy with you my dear... I miss those days...

But... I musn't be defeated... I have to get up... I have to move on... I have to keep getting to where you are... I want you to be proud of me... And I may always have all these hardship... But I always here your voice in my head... you always telling me... "Go Zenji, you can do it... I have faith in you... Always..." I can't give up... not now... I can't fall... not again... I have to move on... I have to get there... I have to show everyone that I am worthy... and that I'm not a failure...

Days are long and hard...

2009-03-02T12:04:00.002+08:00

Lately the performance preparations are getting a bit stressful lately, and I had to take many penadol tablets from last night to this morning... And I'm still having headache I'm able to hold it so I should be fine.

And lately a lot of things are on my mind... but right now I'm not ready to explain it and I don't know how to handle most of it... Should I just confess it? or just keep it in and hope that I'll start feeling better?

*Sigh*... I don't know...

I just want all these torment to end... and to allow me to be happy again...

The light shines on achivement...

2009-02-26T23:36:00.002+08:00

Well this whole week been keeping myself busy... Working on some projects which one of them turned out good in my opinion... and so far things have been rocky and maybe even challenging... But I know I can make it through it...

Today I bumped into you in college... Was very pretty to see you again after so long... You looked as beautiful as ever... And really enjoyed the talks we had... Seeing you laugh after awhile made me feel really good inside... And I really hope you like your Birthday Present...

On another topic, 3 Piece Painting is having another gig on March the 13th, and this time we are Guest Stars! We were asked to preform for this Talent Show which is happening on that day and they needed a band/performers that evening and the band all agreed and we are in.

For more details on the event please follow this link to their Blog:
http://helpfriday13th.blogspot.com/

Well not much to say about today, but it was a good day, after I got back I was really tired but I was fine after my usual nap, so till next time readers. Jia Ne

Music of the Day:
Pretty Fly (For a White Guy) - The Offspring

Reason:
Was a very old song my cousin was singing when we were kids and I didn't know the song name until now, and I remember how much his mum really liked the song and I just got curious, and to be honest it was really catchy lol

To hell with it...

2009-02-18T11:46:00.003+08:00

I'm so fucking pissed right now... I feel like I'm being used... I feel like I'm being taken advantage over... The people who take advantage of me don't care what I'm feeling and don't give a fucking crap what happens to me in the Process!!

I don't mind helping out... But some people make me go through a really big hassle and they don't care if the hurt me emotionally, physically, mentally or any other way I can think of!! And it is because of someone that I'm this way... That person doesn't know how hurt I am or how angry at "the person"!! I feel like hurting that person but I made a promise that I would control my anger and rage... And I wont do it...

For I know no good would come out of it if I hurt the person so I'm just going to ignore that person and wont bloody care about "the person" any longer... for I cant take it anymore!! I've reached my boiling point and I cant carry on like this! I have my OWN life and I cant be a servant to YOU!! I am no bodies PUPPET!!

...*sigh*... I really need a hug now...

Music of the Day:
Faith - Kazuki Kato

Reason:
It was from his first Full Album and I really enjoyed it, I was a fan of his the moment his "Vampire" album was released and I continue to support his music career! (Note: I cant believe I missed his "InLove" Concert!! T.T )

Anger Management...

2009-02-18T00:04:00.002+08:00

Argh... another week... another way to get me really stressed out... Me and my dad are at each others throat right now and now we are barely talking to each other because of a lot of quarreling and a lot of disagreement here and there...

Also there has been a lot of hassle with college... my subjects were a bit mixed up... and also there are a lot of things going on this term and also there are a lot of problems with registration which made matters really worse I guess... But everything is mostly settled and also I'm happy about it and also a bit more stress free.

Also now my mum is home and I'm really glad she is, because everything is just falling apart right now... and I really need to talk about it to someone... I wanted to tell you about it... but this week is a busy week for you and I want you to concentrate with it and I don't want to distract you... But I know you can do it... Me has faith in you and I kow you can do it~!! Gambatte!!

But so far I've been able to control my anger better and if it wasn't for you and my mum I would not have made it this far... Thank you to both of you...

Well that's all for now readers, I wont post the song of the day cause I'm deciding on 2 songs at the moment LOL so in my next post it will be my conclusion ;) jia ne

Love is all around us

2009-02-14T18:36:00.002+08:00

This week has been all about Valentines Day which, we all know, is a day to show people or your partner how much you love them. Let me tell you how my week went starting with Love Lockdown which was last Thursday night.

Thursday: Love Lockdown;
It was organized by Josh and his friends and in my opinion, it was a hell lot of fun. But I was one of his crew members for that day and even though I was partially working on that day, I still enjoyed myself. I was helping Debra and gang to take care of the booth in shifts and I was also their stage crew for that evening as well. But what really had my adrenaline going was when it was time for the Open Dance Floor. Had fun with some of my friends and I enjoyed myself :)

Friday: Felicia's Farewell outing and Valentines Day eve:
On Friday I went to College to check my timetable for my class this coming Monday, and later that day I went out with Li-Sha and Felicia to have our "singles" day out and also since it was Felicia's last 2 days in KL so we went Karaoke and had fun, we will miss ya Felicia :) And later I smsed someone I cared about and had a short chat with her and I was really happy to hear from you and I hope your mid-term next week will go well, Gambatte~!! I know you will succeed :) And the rest of my evening... I will tell you wat happend personally next time...

Saturday: Valentines Day:
Well nothing much happend for me this Valentines Day, decided to catch up with my sleeping to be awaken by my grandma, so after that today was more of a carefree day for me and I went to pick up lara from her Extra Class from school and came back and relaxed and the rest of my day was pretty easy going...

Conclusion:
My 3 Days of Valentines Day was pretty ok, had fun with freinds, heard from someone I cared about, called my mum, and spent some time with my little sister. And I was happy... Because... I got my vanilla milkshake as well :3 Blueekkkk :P

As I said in my last post this is the continuation of my last Story "The Fallen" hope you like it:

The Lover

The Fallen Angel looks up at the sky above,
A tear rolled down his cheeck,
For he knows he can never rejoin his freinds,
In the heavens above him,

And as he sat on the earth below,
He heard a voice,
A female voice,
Why are you sad she asked,

For I have a broken wing,
And I am unable to fly,
And I have lost everything,

The female angel said to him,
It is alrite,
For I cannot fly as well,
For I was born with only one wing,

He looked up at her,
She was very beautiful,
And her wing was as beautiful,
Like the white snow of winter,

She held his hand and said,
If we hold hands,
We might be able to fly together,

He stood up,
Held her hand and the both took off,
Into the heavens together,
And as they flew higher into the heavens,
He held her in his arms,
And said to her in a whisper,

...

...

...

...

..."I Love You"...

This was based on a story I heard a long time ago, of a Falling Angle unable to fly, but found someone who was able to bring back and sore away together, Love truely does have a magic which conqures all. Happy Valentines Day to all my freinds, and hold those you love dear close to you, for they will always be there to help, support and love you :)

Life Sucks...

2009-02-11T01:38:00.002+08:00

I really hate my life... Everything just seems to fall apart at the last minute... And in the end I always have to clean up the mess... no matter how hard it is... Things never seem to go according to plan and it crumbles down into oblivion...

First of... My F***ing subjects were rejected and now I need to go to college to appeal for my subjects... and that means I have to wake up early to fight for parking... and now I've got a lot of rage for HMC's STUPID system... I feel like kicking them in the ****!!!

And lets not forget my emotions are getting worse... feels like I'm a zombie... but at least when I'm with friends its easier to control my emotions... And I also had a bad vision... Something bad happened to me... And I mean REALLY BAD... and usually... 99% of my visions came true...

But... not all is lost... me and my lil sister are bonding better... we ran/walked in the rain a few days ago... and it felt good... it washed away most of my sorrow... and my lil sister is one of the person who knows how to make me happy... Thanks lil sis...

Well... That's all for now... Till next time... And this time... instead of a Music of the day... I'm ending with a poem I wrote... enjoy;

The Fallen

Once upon a time,
I was very happy,
I was full of Life,
I was Light,

I thought I could fly higher,
But I ended crashing to the Earth below,
I broke one of my wings,
And was unable to fly,

And as I looked up in the sky,
Many angels were flying high above me,
Full of life and happiness,

I can never fly,
I can never rejoin them,
For I am a Fallen,
I am now full of Darkness,
Full of Anger,
Full of Sadness,

And Now a Struggle,
Within myself has begun,
To decide to regain the Light,
Or to be consumed by Darkness,
And I know,
That day will come...

... One Day....

*Note: This is a 2 part poem, the other part will come in my next post*

Under Development

2009-02-09T21:44:00.000+08:00

Currently adding more changes to my blog and ill be blogging about why i chose the theme and everything.

Answerd Questions...

2009-02-05T23:38:00.005+08:00

OK, I always noticed sometimes I would always be unable to answer questions my friends ask me... like... "who is your best friend?", "what are your hobbies?", "Are you seeing anyone?" or even "what makes you happiest in life?"... Some of these questions just really bloody annoys me and I think it might help if I answered some of them I guess...

Let's get started shall we?;

1. What race are you? You don't look like you are from around here (surprisingly I get this kinda often...):
- To be honest? Even I don't know the answer to that question... On my IC it says Malay but yet I don't feel like a Malay... I'm actually a Eurasian with many different blood from other races...

2. The name Zenji, its a unique name, is it your nick name? did you make it up?
- Yes its a unique name, and it can be considered to be my nick name and my grandmother gave it to me a long time ago... when I started finding an interest in the Japanese Culture...

3. Your Grandmother gave you that name? does this make you part Japanese?
- According to my grandmother, there were some traces of our family being descended from the Japanese but it will always be a mystery to me...

4. So what are your interest? do you have any hobbies?
- Well... I like rollerblading and drawing. And I tend to talk to much if that counts as an interest... Oh and I cant forget singing... yea singing...

5. So now a family question. Who in your family are you closest to? and why?
- Well if you mean just within my family, I would say my younger sister Lara, she is always full of life and is the total opposite of me, but we do have similar interest.

6. OK besides your younger sister, are you close with your cousins?
- That's a pretty good question... I'm actually close with 2 of my cousins who are Fei and Roz. I use to be close with another one of my cousin... but... sadly... we just... grew apart...

7. Are you close with any of you Parents or Grandparents?
- I'm sort of OK with my dad and I'm on very good terms with my mum... which reminds me I haven't called her in awhile... Call her later... But I think the person who I was very close to was my grandfather... We use to sit down in front of the television after a dinner at his house and exchange life stories... Sadly... that's not an option anymore...

8. So do you have a best friend?
- I have many best friends... And usually I don't like playing favorites... But if I were to choose I would choose Gary... Even though our friendship started a bit late... he was always there for me... and he is a really great friend... Miss Ya bro...

9. So do you have a Girlfriend?
- Currently... No...

10. How many Girlfriends have you had?
- I think that's a bit personal... but I think... 9?

11. Have you ever been cheated by/cheated behind any of them?
- I think my first few yes... and I'll just leave it at that... and I never cheated behind their backs...

12. Have you ever been in Love before?
- Yes... Hell Yes...

13. Do you mind telling us her name? and a bit about her?
- I wont tell you her name... but I can tell you this... She is the most wonderful... intelligent... the most strong hearted... and beautiful girl I know...

14. Do you still love her? and does she love still love you?
- Ofcourse I still love her... She was one of the only people who believed in me... she helped me with the impossible... she stood by my side when I needed it... and... I hope... she still loves me too...

15. Wouldn't you want to get back together with her?
- More then anything... but... like she told me... it will never work... because of her parents... it really saddned me... but if things did start to work out... maybe...

16. That is so touching... If she was here right now, what would you say to her?
- Well... I would say... Your the most beautiful... the most intelligent and strong hearted girl I met... You will always be here inside my heart... You will always be... my "Saiai No Hito"

17. So what you doing now?
- In my PJ and asnwering your question?

18. What are you plans for the future?
- Well... keep working towards the path I chose... support the girl I care about in anyway I can... And be a very supportive big brother to my younger sister... And rock out with my Band!

I think there were more questions but I'm too tired to remember them... I hope I'll be able to answer the rest of them later on... Till next time readers... Jia Ne...

Music of the Day:
S.O.S - Jonas Brothers

Reason:
It was one of the songs me and my band first preformed and we had a rocking good time preforming it.

Maybe I spoke too soon...

2009-02-04T22:33:00.002+08:00

Well I did say my next update would be really soon right? Well... I left college to go rollerblading and at first I thought it was going to be a good day and all that but later when I started it all went well but I thought maybe I should try push my limit... And I did... At first I had total control of what I was doing... But soon after I lost control and feel to the ground and when I tried to stand up I couldn't... I felt a lot of pressure on my leg... And I started feeling pain around my foot area and that's when I realized that I injured my leg... I pulled up most of my strength I had left and stood up trying not to make a scene and went to my car and drove back... It wasn't easy... but I didn't try to think of the pain...

Well that's what they mean by no pain... no gain... and yea I may have injured my foot but that shouldn't stop me... I have to keep on moving... I know I can do it...

Today was a good day...

2009-02-04T11:03:00.002+08:00

Well I'm at college to get my progression form from my Level 2 Diploma... And the day is going well so far... Today I'm feeling much better then before... since I was sick for the past couple of days and wasn't able to go out often... But at least now I'm able to go out without my medicine and I'm still standing...

Today I met you and showed you the video... I really hope you like it and I know I was suppose to show it to you on your Birthday... but I was scared I wouldn't be able to see you and thus wouldn't be able to give it to you... I really hope you like it... Also I passed to you the card I got and I know... I didn't know which was the correct side and signed it wrong... Oh well... cant blame me for trying?

Right now that's all for now... and maybe ill continue when I get back later... till next time readers... Jia Ne

Song of the Day:
Only Hope - Switchfoot

Reason:
Well unlike the version done by Mandy Moore, I also kinda like this version because it was done in a different and unique way unlike the one sang by Mandy Moore and even though its the original singer I still like both of them all the same :)

I don't know...

2009-02-02T09:06:00.002+08:00

Lately things for me hasn't been going so well for me... Been getting constantly sick... And also lately... I haven't been able to smile... I don't know why... I remember taking medicine to help with my angina problem and one day I forgot to take it and prolong the time before I took it again and caused me to be very weak and tired... the reason why cause I was late and I overslept when having my nap and I also was a bit in a rush...

Lately... I feel like my life is starting to fall apart... Having too much pressure on me... having to clean up the mess my dad left behind... trying to be the man of the house... and living up to the expectations of my mum... And the only thing that keeps me going is seeing you on MSN every once in awhile... Your always working till very late at night and sometimes... I wish I had your determination... Your strength... and your will to just keep going... And I'm not sure if you feel this too... but... I miss you... very much... But I hope that deep down... you miss me too... you were my guardian angle and you kept me from falling...

Well... That's all for today readers... My next update might be very soon... till then... Jia Ne

Song of the Day:
Love Story *Taylor Swift*

Reason:
It is a very interesting song, it really reflects what is going on in my life and I really can't stop listening to it, ask my little sister how often to I listen to it. XD

A Good Omen

2009-01-27T00:14:00.002+08:00

Last night we had a family gathering which ended at around 3am in the morning, and it was fun playing Chor Tai Tee with my cousins (although I lost a number a times too...) but it was an interesting evening nevertheless. After awhile I strolled away from the happy crowd and sat by the fountain just to be by myself and listen to the music my Special Someone likes. And I felt a tear roll down my cheeck and as I looked up among the vines on the shelter of the fountain I saw 3 tiny flowers and I stood up and gentle stroke the flowers and smiled. For this is a sign of a good omen and I believe its trying to tell me that this year will be full of surprises and will impact me positively.

And thats not all, but when I looked at them I thought of a good poem motivational poem for you too :)

In the darkness of the fountain,
I pictured how things might have been,
How things would have been,
If you were still by my side,
Supporting me,
Cheering for me,
Caring for me,
Loving me,

And as I looked up,
3 Flowers lay still on the veins above,
And no other flowers could be seen,
I gently stroked them,
I smiled,
And I know that I must not stop here,
I have to keep moving forward,
I have to keep growing,
and to prove myself to you,
That I can be a better person,

And I know,
Deep down,
You still care for me,
But,
Now is not the time to show it,
And you may believe,
That it can never be,
But love has found its way through many obsticales,
For it has no bounds,
Thus I continue to support you,
In anyway I can,
For I have Faith in you,
And there is no obsticales which is impossible,
No task to difficult,
And I know,
My lucky star is always watching you,
Supporting you,
Keeping you sage,
For I will always be with you,
To keep you safe,
To protect you,
For I will always be here...

Ok, not exactly how i remembered it but I think its alright :) Gambatteh my Dear!! I know you can do it!! We have faith in you :D

Song of the day:
I'm Just A Kid *Simple Plan*

Reason:
Everyone is a kid at heart and no matter how we try not to admit it, am I right? :P

More then just memories...

2009-01-19T19:38:00.002+08:00

Hey readers, I know I'm suppose to blog about the Bands Performance last Friday, but I haven't gotten the videos and some of the photos, but I'll upload up soon.

As the tittle sounds yes I'm emo at the moment... My best friend took me to Sunway Pyramid last night with her Sis and her boyfriend but when I was there I decided to go walk about by myself and... Well... When I started walking I started remembering when I went there with a SS (special someone) and visited the places where we went together and remembering what we did while we were there and... It felt... so happy... but at the same time... vcry sad... All those wonderful memories... All those wonderful moments... It feels like... It just vanished...

As I walked down to the lower grounds of Sunway Pyramid I saw that they were selling flowers at one of the inner rings so I decided to check it out, and I saw something which made me shed a tear down my cheeck... a Cherry Blossom Tree... aka Sakura Tree... and thats when I rememberd one of the most memorable things I said to her... "Dear... May our Love Bloom like the Sakura in the Spring..." I almost felt like going on my knees to cry... I really want you back... But I know that you need to concentrate on your studies and I'm going to respec your decision... and you said that we can never be together because of your parents... but deep down I hear a voice saying "I dont care... I dont care what your parents think... I love you and no matter what... My heart will always wait for you... I dont care how long it takes... I just... Want to be wraped in your arms again..."

I hope this doesnt distract you from your studies... I just needed to let it out... I know you can do it Special Someone... I have faith in you... now and always...

Message to Special Someone:

Don't Quit

When things go wrong as they sometimes will;
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill;
When the funds are low, and the debts are high;
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh;
When care is pressing you down a bit
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.

Success is failure turned inside out;
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt;
And you can never tell how close you are;
It may be near when it seems afar.
So, stick to the fight when you're hardest hit -
It's when things go wrong that you mustn't quit

Song of the day:
It's Gonna Be Love (Mandy Moore)

Reason:
When ever I hear one of her songs... It always reminds me of you... And I feel as if... You were singing it to me... And I always loved when you sang to me one of your favorite songs...

3 Peice Painting + Second Jamming Session

2009-01-14T01:10:00.004+08:00

Alright today we had out 2nd jam session and it really didn't go according to plan because of a few things;

1. We were suppose to play for about 2 hours but we ended up doing around 1 1/2 hours due to someone booked the room.
2. Our awesome tambourine player came late and we had to do jam without him.
3. We had a bit of technical problems and took awhile to get them fixed.

So far that was most of the problem but everything worked out fine. We practiced our 3rd song and we had a bit of trouble with it since we were practicing it for the first time today.

When we were preforming I tried a few vocal changes for the songs and in a way I think it worked :p but I have to keep practicing our 3rd song if not ill be in even more trouble... and at the same time I felt I could have done better too...

Soon after, we went for supper and we had Thai Food!! It was awesome, and I felt it was OK, not heavy not light but OK in my opinion especially the butter prawn lol.

Before I end this post here are some photos of today's event:

The studio we were in (its much smaller)

Fei checking the equipment

Greg who came late for the Jamming Session LOL

Andy in deep thought

Us at the Kampung Thai after jamming

Group Photo

I haven't seen Tom Yam disappear that fast before lol

Some of the other side dishes we orderd

And also before I end my blog, I'd like to share with you the song of the day!!

Song:
Save You (Simple Plan)

Reason:
Its a sort of emo song but at the same time its emo in a good way and I really enjoy listening to it (and I'm not bored of it yet!! LOL)

3 Peice Painting + First Jam Session!!

2009-01-12T11:30:00.007+08:00

So today we had our first jam session for a long time, but the only difference we are doing a FULL BAND!!! Which really got me really excited and in the singing mood. To be honest this was my first time performing in a large band compared to our usual 3 man band like we usually perform in XD but I am really excited to our upcoming performance and I know it would be all worth it :D

Alright the evening went according to plan, we went to the studio at around 9pm (we would have gotten there earlier but we had to stop and buy cat food at Ampang Point :p) when we arrived at the studio I was soooooo excited because it was my first time actually practicing in a studio and the feeling was just… Wow… words escaped me…

Alright when we started jamming something funny kept happening, my mikes cord kept coming off, at first I thought it was loose but after awhile I realized that I kept pressing the release button to release the cable… MY FAULT!!! XD

But the rest of the jamming session went alright we actually modified the songs we are performing to our liking and I think we made a good improvement to them too ;)

Soon our jamming session came to an end and we were all tired (well I know I was didn’t know about the rest… I think I strained my voice…) and when we got back I went online and chatted with my friends for awhile before heading to bed and I had a blast… THANKS GUYS!!!

Alright before I end this post I thought I’d introduce all the members of 3 Piece Painting +:

Zamil

The Bass Guitarist of the band, he actually managed to give most of the songs we were performing a much more unique beat and it was awesome!!

Andy

He is the rocking Drummer, and when I mean rocking I mean he can really rock your world, and so far in my opinion he is one of the best drummers I know.

Greg

He is Isk and Fei’s sister’s boyfriend, he was a good addition to the band and he was skilled with the tambourine XP

Fei

Lead Guitarist and one of the original member of 3 Piece Painting + and if it wasn’t for him this jamming session couldn’t have happened!! He was also the person who came up with the name too.

Isk

Rhythm Guitarist and also one of the original members of 3 Piece Painting + and he is also one of my motivations to sing, and he also motivated me to sing better, THANKS ISK!!

Zenji/Nazrin (me)

Lead Vocal and original member of 3 Piece Painting, I’m also the blurriest of the bunch lol you should see me when I’m on stage :p

Alright now to end this blog with my usually song of the day

Song:

I Wanna Be Like You (Jonas Brothers ver.)

Reason:

This is a classic song with a much more modern mix and to my honest opinion I think its kinda addictive :P Classic Song, New Beat, New Sounds I love it!!

The Good, The Bad, The Worse...

2009-01-10T00:43:00.003+08:00

First week of the new year is almost coming to an end and there were a lot of good and bad things happening and some might effect me really badly... But I'll be explaining them from the good till the worse.

THE GOOD

Well managed to get things with me and you back to normal but it may not be in the way I want it... but as long as I'm able to talk to you and be near you I should be happy right?

Also 3 Piece Painting + is having a performance this coming Friday for the orientation night and we are going to have our first Rehearsal as a Full Band this Sunday and I'm really looking forward to it.

Managed to settle most of my differences with my cousin Johan and we are on really good terms now and really happy for it and my success :D

THE BAD

Well wont be starting college till February and I know I should be happy but I cant wait that long... I have to be in college or else I'll be dead bored at home... And I should be following my mum to Bahrain but cant due to my performance and other events...

Still trying to find the melody for my song and it isn't going too well but I'm sure I'll come across one sooner or later... You never know right?

And lately haven't been feeling well... Mostly because of headache... *sigh* what to do?

THE WORSE

I feel like I've been used... by someone who is supposedly close to me... I feel like the person only uses me to get to places or ask me to do things that the person cant do for themselves... And after that I felt so alone... That person made me so... Angry... Upset... And hurt me in a way that if you want to know more about it you have to ask me about it personally...

THE END

Well that's it for my post for today and I'll now end my post with a "What I'm Listening To" or "Music Video of the Day" till next time readers, Jia Ne

Music of the Day:
Brilliant Snow by Kazuki Kato

Reason:
When the album first released I was so excited and I immediately fell in love with this song and it has always been in my phone and I listen to it all the time! And it was also the song I sang for a Special Someone for Valentines day ;)

Massive Headache and Mum is home!

2009-01-05T21:36:00.003+08:00

Last night was one of the toughest night I have ever had. I had a really bad headache last night and it prevented me from sleeping and I kept tossing and turning no luck and I feel my temperature drop and starting having a heat rush which made matters worse. After that I took a warm and then a cold shower to help me get my temperature back but don't think it worked (cant remember and I think I banged my head on a wall too :S) then I went to my dad's room for another dose of Panadol and I was able to slowly sooth myself to sleep (I think) and I just passed out soon after.

One thing I noticed about this was that I always tend to have this every once a year or sometimes even more, what eludes me is the cause of it and I have no idea what is making me have all these massive headaches.

Putting all my trouble aside, my mum came home today! and I was very happy that she has returned from Bahrain even if it is only for 10 days, as long as she is here I feel more at home and less worried about things. And tomorrow she will be following me to college and able to meet someone who made a great impact in my life and I can never picture my life without that someone *blush*

well that is all for today readers, till next time Jia Ne!

I Like Long Walks and Pasar Malam (Night Market)

2009-01-04T21:44:00.003+08:00

Today was a busy day for me today. This morning I went with my dad and sister to bring my grandpa and grandma (Dad's Parents) for a walk in KLCC park. It was a good day even though the weather was very hot, but it was great seeing my grandparents out of their house and we had a good walk and a good time :)

After that I received a sms from Wen and she was feeling down, so I went over and helped cheer her up and took her for Arabian food and had a good time chatting, and later we went to the Pasar Malam in Taman Muda and I was pretty excited, since I had never been to a Pasar Malam for a LONG time and I bought lots of stuff :p (went over my budget... again... :S) and yea I had fun, might upload some pictures later :P

Well now I'm home and really glad to be in the safety of my home :)

till next time readers Jia Ne :)

One more month??? I cant wait that long!!

2009-01-03T23:17:00.002+08:00

Well its official, I can proceed to my level 2 and this would make it my final year in Malaysia before I move on, I was so excited when I saw my results and I felt like jumping but I played it cool (sort of :p). Was talking to some of my friends and apparently we only start back classes in February!! and I was like "What the ****!!" I know a guy should be happy with more free time but 1 more month!?! seriously I cant wait that long, I've been bored at home for the last 2 weeks and not to mention I had a really bad new years and the week was bad...

And it was all because of a single person... If you want to know just ask me and don't worry it was someone who was "supposedly" close to me... I will rant about that some other time and I'm trying not to be mean here, trying to keep my cool.

Well all that put aside there are a few things on my list that I'm looking forward to:
1. Mum is coming home from Bahrain
2. Going back to college (going to finish off my Basic Math and Stats)
3. Going to Level 2
4. Hopefully get to see my friend again ;)

For now I have to bare with this terrible internet connection which is driving me crazy!! (seriously) and I'm considering to blog what happened on my Birthday and such, till then Jia Ne

-Zenji

There is going to be some changes around here...

2009-01-02T21:17:00.002+08:00

To all my readers I want to wish you a Happy New Year and yes I know its been a long time since I last blogged but I think its time I started again, first of I thought a 'New Look' was in order. Was planning on going with me "Never Ending Night" theme and currently working on the background and all so it will take awhile to get things in order.

Got my exam results today and I was pretty relieved that they were good (although it wasn't what I was targeting but oh well... And I would also like to say welcome back to my friend who was away, and when you told me you were still sick I have something special for you:

Super Huggiez "Hugz!!"

Well going to work on the other parts of this blog so till then Jia Ne!

Sleepless Night...

2008-11-07T01:26:00.000+08:00

Well I'm having one of those days again... I'm having trouble sleeping again... *sigh* I can't understand why I have these days... I believe there is a lot of things on my mind at the moment... well... now I'm going to list what is on my mind at the moment...

First of is that I'm pretty worried about my assignment... I'm still having problems with my C Programming assignment... It's starting to become really confusing... And I'm having trouble putting the codes together... but I think my Visual Basic assignment might be a bit better since I have an idea for my program which might get me a good grade...

Second is that our Annual Ball is next week and I haven't even been able to go shopping for my clothes that I'm going to wear for the ball... Just haven't got the chance to go out and buy my outfit... But I have to go soon and buy my clothes as soon as possible...

Third is that my Birthday is coming up... and for some reason I'm really not looking forward to it... I guess I feel as if there there isn't anything to look forward to anything... its just another day... A day which I just get a year older... *sigh* I feel like all the happiness has been sucked out of me...

Fourth my exam is coming up as well... and it is the same week as my Birthday... but for some reason its not as bad because I still don't think that many people will remember my birthday... it always happens... and it will happen again... so I starting to not care as much...

Fifth is that tomorrow is when my parents and siblings are going to Singapore tomorrow and I'll be home alone tomorrow... and I for some reason I feel like I'm not going to enjoy it... but I cant follow due to I have a lot of work to do... Assignment... Assessment... and a lot of other college work...

Well I'm also planning a special gift for someone this Christmas, and I know she won't be able to get it out of me this time LOL.

So yea there are still a lot of other reasons on my mind... but I'll leave it for another night... as for now... good night mum, good night dad, good night sisters and good night my friends...

Life is what you want it to be

2008-11-04T23:32:00.000+08:00

A lot of things happened this week and everything seemed to be very hectic, some tiring, stressful, and even life changing. First of was I got most of my exam results and surprisingly I did pretty good (although I haven't got my law marks I'm happy with my programming results).

Hectic mostly because of my groups assignment for law was due on Monday and we had to rush and practice for the actual thing and the thing is we haven't even practiced because our schedule really made it difficult, but now its over and I can finally relax a bit. Been feeling a bit tired for awhile too, mostly because of my work and sometimes I play WoW and sometimes it goes on late through the night lol. But I'm getting use to my new sleeping pattern, although I tend to be sleepy after I wake up.

Stressful because I've been studying harder this term too, I don't want to be a failure in my life and I want to make the people around me proud of me too. But I guess there are good and bad things about the stress, the good is that it allows me to somewhat consentrate while studying and to motivate me to try and push my limits, the bad is that if I go way over my limit I might get a break down and well it wont be pretty.

The life changing part was that a special freind and I had a "Letting Out" conversation, which we let out a lot of things that we were keeping form each other and things that we didn't even know about each others background. But at first my special freind thought I would be angry, but I wasnt... I'm just glad for the first time someone told me what I was doing wrong... But it made me sit down and think... and now I'm trying to change my life for the better... And I feel all the thanks I gave you isn't enough to show how much I appriciate having you in my life... And I don't know what life has in store for us, but I hope that you will always be by my side so that we can go through this together...

So life really isn't in the hand of God sometimes. God has given us a mind to make choices and decisions for our own, hands to allow us to create and shape our own destiny, legs to allows us to walk the path we want to walk on, and a heart to allow us to hold everyone we hold dear to us. So whatever you decision is, it is yours to make and yours alone, and no matter where you go in life, always remember there are people who love and care for you, they will give you the strength to carry on and allow us to advance further in life.

-zenji

To Someone special...

2008-10-23T08:31:00.000+08:00

Someone was feeling down so I thought I might dedicate this post to her and try to bring up her spirit a bit.

I know thing haven't been going the way you planned sometimes but you always have to look at the other side of the coin, there will always be good and bad days and I want to be there to help you get through it, you are a strong girl my angel and you make everyone around you happy and full of laughter, you showed me I can make a difference in my life and that I would be able to shape my own future... And I know that we cant be together... but I don't want to let go of your hand... You brought the light into my life... and I want to bring it into out future...

Here are some of the photos which you took this year... some of the memories you have:

Taking picture with my hat at WiFi area (one of my favorite photos)

Another gorgeous picture of you (hehe)

Hehe don't you look lovely^^

Your "Siti Nurhaliza" look

After the CAP event (you really looked beautiful on that day)

Valentines day (looking as beautiful as ever)

Your B'day outing (I am not going to show any photos of me on that day :p)

You in your study area

Another of my favorite photos of you^^

You are a strong girl my angel... and I know you will be able to overcome any obstacle that comes in your way... You have the ability to shape your own destiny and I know you will give it your all. You will always carry my faith and... My love with you where ever you go. We are connected by a red string (in Japaneses legend, 2 people who are in love are joined together by an invisible red string). I will do my very best to support you in anyway I can and if the Wheel of Fate was kind... lead you back into my arms... And to end this post I'll be putting up the lyrics of my song (the video still needs work so please excuse me lol:

No Matter How I Try,
It Gets Harder For Me,
To Say How Much You Mean To Me,
I Feel,
Like I'm Always Lost In Words,
Of What I Wanna Say,

But Now,
I Know What I Must Tell You,
Whats here Inside My Heart,
(Inside My Heart)

You Mean the World To Me,
Your Smile Keeps Me Going,
I Don't Wanna Know,
What Life Will Be Without You,

Your The Light In My Life,
The Shinning Star Which Guides Me,
And I still Have More To Say,
Of How Much You Mean To Me,

As The Days Passes By,
I Feel My Heart Breaking,
Into A Thousand Pieces,
It Feels,
Like There Is An Empty Void,
Of Where My Heart Use To Be,

When Your Here,
My Heart Is mending,
Of How It Use To Be,
(Use to Be)

You Mean the World To Me,
Your Smile Keeps Me Going,
I Don't Wanna Know,
What Life Will Be Without You,
Your The Light In my Life,
The Shinning Star Which Guides Me,
And I Still Have More To Say,
Of How Much You Mean To Me,

And I'll Be Right Here,
Waiting For A Sign,
To Tell Me,
That Your Still In Love With Me,
And I Don't Care,
How Long It Takes,
I Just Want To Hear Your Say...
That I Love You...

I Hope You Know...

Just How Much You Mean To Me,
I Want To Be Your Forever,
To Hold You In My Arms,
And To Tell You,
How Much I Love You,
Your My Beacon Of Hope,
Which Guides Me Through The Darkness
And I Hope You Understand,
Just How Much...
You Mean To Me.

Song: What You Mean to Me
Author: Zenji

Sick Days...

2008-10-12T09:58:00.000+08:00

For the past two day I've been in a very sick state... And to be honest I still am in a sick state... More towards dizzy actually... I cant really explain how I got sick... Just suddenly 2 days ago I felt something terrible wrong with my body... and I think I worried you my angel... and the 2 nights ago I was really sick and I couldn't sleep at all... I felt so warm... burning up real bad and I couldn't stop it... I felt like I was going to die... and weird images in my head... made the matter a lot worse... its during these times which makes me miss you a lot more then usual my angel... and I also wish my mum was here too so that she can take me to the doctors... my dad was too busy with his party that he forgot how sick I was... and what more he wanted me to entertain his guest which they can all clearly see that I wasn't feeling well to do anything... my grandmother wanted me to go home to get some rest... even my uncle said I started to look pale... but my father insisted that I stay at the party and also to make sure I can carry all his presents and food home for him... after I got back I felt so tired that I changed to my pajamas and went straight to bed hoping that this nightmare would end...

3 Piece Painting

2008-10-04T22:59:00.001+08:00

Well its been a while since my cousin and me formed a band, there are good things which came with this, made me closer with my cousin and we found out that we really make a really good team together. Our first ever live performance was a the Charity Aids Concert @ HELP and we really did our best (even though some else sang one of the songs WE were suppose to sing =.=) but we did our best and we made it through.

Our 2nd performance was at the Newbie Night for the new students at HELP and that was one of our best performance I guess not going to judge everything yet because officially it was only 2 times lol.

But I'm glad of the bond it brought us and how close we got together and I'm glad... to have started this... Especially since it was with my cousins.... my Family.... Guys lets work to make a better future in the music industry!!! 3 Piece Painting now and always!!

And as a special treat for you all, here is our testing Band Logo;

If your all wonder, no its not the number '13' I wanted to try something original a bit so I combined 'P + P = this logo' so please excuse me its still in the testing stage :p

Raya...

2008-10-01T22:12:00.000+08:00

Ok now that the first day of Raya is over, I thought I might talk about it and the difference of this year and my past Raya experience. First of, I want to thank everyone who wished me today and I also hope that all my muslim friends had a good first day of Raya.

Ok now I'll look at the differences of this year and the past years of Raya.

First of was that this year me and my dad prayed at the masjid near our house, it was small but in a way comfortable due that there weren't many people praying at the masjid. Usually me and my dad would go follow my grandfather to go pray at Masjid Negara, but due to his condition we couldn't go with him, that started a chain reaction of old memeories which made me think of where all those times went... and I felt like there was an empty space deep down inside me and wondering how these feelings came to be...

Second was that the order of the visiting was a bit different too, usually we would stay at my grandfathers house and wait for the other relatives to come after prayer, but now it was different because since we went to pray at the masjid near my house, we went to my other grandmothers (mum's side) house first, the order just felt a bit... different... or too different since I was so use to going to my other grandparents (dad's side) house first... just felt that it was a bit too different...

Third, was that it seemed like even though all my cousins, uncles and aunts were at one place, I just felt that everyone was so busy with other things and everyone kept more towards their families rather the comunicating with the each other... and I just felt... like it was very... quite...

Fourth, was after we had visited my our other relatives house we went straight back to my other grandmothers house (mum's side) and to our surprise... many of my aunty and uncles were already leaving... 4 car fulls of them... and once we fianlly got out of the car and joined the others at the open house, there was something very disturbing... the place was so quite that I could hear a pin drop and I would be able to hear it... *sigh* and there were many empty tables as well and empty seats... I use to remember when the place would be packed and the sound of people enjoying themselves could be heard... but all I heard was the sound of the caterer cooking the food and the sound of the Ice Cacang machine going on and off... and when I was there... even surrounded by my other family members... just felt very lonely...

so far my Raya today wasn't all that great from my point of view... there were just so many differences of the past years that really effected how I felt when this year came... And I wonder where all those good times went... and wondered where all those good times had gone...

here is a list of what I missed this year and will always stay in my memories:
1. Going to Masjid Negara with my grandfather when I was young and how tall and different I became everytime I went.
2. Smiling and bonding family members during open houses
3. Sound of laughter and a packed Raya open house at my grandmothers house
4. Seeing most of other relatives

but there were some good things that happend too... that i cannot forget...

My childhood friend david came to visit me from indonessia and my cousin from japan came home and visited me too and I was really happy to see them both... You two really made me happy and so did you Tawfik thanks for coming to visit me on Raya too... And you too my angle... for all those lovely smses you sent me... I'll tell you all what happend on the 2nd day... till then my friends... Jia Ne

Stress... Lonelyness... Anger...

2008-09-27T15:24:00.001+08:00

Well this is my temporary blog until my new one is up, or if it cant be up I'll just continue to use this, whichever happens...

Been awhile since I last blogged, been too busy I guess... Lots has happened from when I last blogged and now... First off is that I started my new term in HELP University College a couple of weeks ago... My cousins and I formed a band which is called "3 Piece Painting" and we really enjoy what we do... My mum and dad aren't seeing eye to eye anymore after my mum found out that my dad was seeing another girl behind her back... Been very stressed with college work and all, I really want to do well this term and hopefully by the end of the year I'll be leaving to Osaka, Japan for furthering my studies... So yea... Lots has been happening...

Well... Today wasn't the start of a good day I guess... woke up with chest pain and heart burn... I smsed someone very special to me... and later my dad made me late for one of my gatherings with my old cosplay buddies (by 1hour and 30min to be exact) and he kept lecturing me on how I don't have enough responsibility around the house and that he feels I don't really study at all and just kept shooting me down... *sigh* I really hate those days... After that I just went up in my room and sat on my bed... I felt really cold... I felt so alone... and I felt so angry... I missed my mother... eventhough she scolds me sometimes, I feel she is one of the only person in my family that I can talk to... and I felt so lost without her... she guided me through a lot of harsh and painful lessons... and I keep on regretting on that I never told her how much I loved her... and after that I kept thinking about someone who is special to me... Its been awhile since we broke up now... but yet... I cant stop thinking about her... I really needed her today... I could just put my head on her shoulder and cry as long as could... I hear her say that it was going to be alright... and I wonder if she still thinks about me as I do of her... and I'm angry at my dad for cheating behind my mothers back... he really disrespected the name of our family... but I know I must not stay angry at him for long... because he still is my own flesh and blood...

So my day wasnt great at all... just really stressful... and I feel so alone... I wish you were here with me now... my angle... bring me away from all this pain... and lonelyness... and help me regain the abillity to smile once again... and remember all the times we were both together... and a time when me... you... and my family were happy together... as a family again...

But no matter what I must not forget my priorities... I have to do well... I have to make my mother proud me... make you proud of me... I know I can do it... I know I will succed... and I know that I will shape a future for me and for all those that I hold close to me...